Haters Gonna Hate

This week I found out that I was selected to be one of three drum majors for the Kearney High Bearcat Band!!! (I still have not found out what the heck a bearcat is!!) I could not have asked for better fellow drum majors. One of them is my new best friend Melody! She is going to be a sophomore next year, and she is absolutely FANTASTIC! The other drum major is Jordyn, and she is going to be a Junior next year, she is quiet when you first meet her, but then you see her loud side when you've been around her awhile. All three of us get along really well, and I am so excited for next year.

The reason for the title: I have received (and am still receiving) a lot of criticism and snotty remarks about being drum major. "She has never been a member of our band." "The directors haven't even seen her march." "She doesn't even know our commands." "She doesn't even have leadership experience."

To set the record straight, she DOES have leadership experience, she DOES know the Kearney Band commands, and the directors HAVE seen her march. As for never being a part of the the Kearney Marching Band, well, you're right, but what does that matter?

My point is that despite criticism and constant glares, I worked my tail off to get this position, and I plan on continuing to work my tail off to keep it! Being drum major has been my dream since 7th grade, and I finally achieved it, so this is going to be a fantastic marching season!

I Broke My Brain Again!

*I started this post last week, but forgot to finish it.*

On March 11th, I hit my head on a crossfit machine, and received another stupid concussion. I was so angry. I mean, first I catch a softball with my forehead, and now I hit my head on a silly Glut-Ham machine... this is just insane. My family has been making fun of me for it like crazy. This is the machine that I hit my head on...

Your hips rest on the semi-circular pad, and your feet are locked in the cylinder looking things behind that. You bend at the waist until the top half of you is perpendicular to the ground. It is called a Back Extension Exercise.

I took my glasses off for this because they kept sliding off of my face. Unfortunately, I have TERRIBLE depth perception without my glasses, and when I went to do a back extension, I went too far and hit my head on the bolt on the bar perpendicular to the ground. My forehead was hit in the same spot as before. I lost vision for a few seconds (which happened when I caught the softball with my forehead), but then everything went back to normal, so I completed the workout as usual. When I got home I got a HUGE headache, and I felt sick to my stomach, which are two symptoms of being post-concussive. The next day at school was terrible; I could not focus at all. So I called my Mom on my way home for lunch and she scheduled an appointment for me after school. The doctor told me I was post-concussive and that I could not do crossfit for 7-10 days. I resumed workouts right at 7 days, and I have been fine since. I had a lovely little bump on my forehead right above and between my eyebrows. It was just lovely.

So I guess the lesson I need to learn is to wear a helmet everywhere I go because clearly I am not capable of protecting my head and brain from this dangerous world.

Thoughts on the Future and The Troubles of Being a Music Student

I am honestly am getting tired of people telling me that I am selling myself short by the career choices that I am considering. Awhile ago we had parent-teacher conferences, and my chemistry teacher told my mom that he thinks that my decision to be a CRNA is foolish. He thinks that I am selling myself short by not pursuing Anesthesiology. With all due respect, he is the foolish one. Every time he brings this up, I explain to him that the reason I want to be a CRNA is because I am more interested in the nursing aspect of it. I want to be a nurse, and he just can't seem to wrap his brain around that. It really frustrates me. I mean, I know he's trying to push me to higher achievements, but what if I don't want to be an Anesthesiologist? The beauty in my plan to become a nurse and then go to CRNA school later is that if I decide that anesthesiology isn't the right path for me, I always have nursing to fall back on; whereas, if I go to school to become an Anesthesiologist and decide it's not for me, I don't have anything to fall back on. I've tried explaining this to him multiple times, but he doesn't seem to listen to me. However, he is helping me a lot by preparing me for college. Here at Kearney High, an Advanced Placement (AP) Chemistry class is offered. This class is for seniors, and it can count for college credit through UNK, and since I am, as of now, planning to go to UNK, it should work out rather smoothly.

Speaking of classes for next year... DON'T EVER MOVE IN HIGH SCHOOL! It is sheer craziness to try to get all of the required classes in my schedule because different schools have different graduation requirements, and some classes don't transfer very well. For example, Health is a freshman class at Kearney, and it is required for graduation. I took Health in Ogallala. It went along with my PE class, but for some reason when Ogallala sent my transcripts to Syracuse, rather than "PE/Health" it just said "PE", so I can't use that for Health credit, so I will be retaking freshman Health.

We have been working on putting our schedules for next year together these past few weeks, and it didn't work out very well at first. We have block scheduling, which means that rather than having eight 45-minute periods, we have four 90-minute blocks. It is really awesome when it comes to taking core classes, because I only have to be in a class for a semester for it to count as a year, but it absolutely sucks if you are in band and choir. All music ensembles have rehearsals that are 45 minutes long, the only problem with that is that there are very few classes that are 45 minutes long as well. Next year, I will have Wind Ensemble, Chorale, and KHS Pops (That's our show choir.) to put into my schedule. As I was putting my schedule together, it just wasn't working out. I had multiple teachers tell me that I should drop one or two of my music classes to fit all of my required classes in, and this just made me upset. I worked my tail off to get into the highest level band, the highest level choir, and the highest level show choir, and I am not willing to give those up. Last week I went into the councilors office, and she came up with a plan to save my music classes. I will have to take my Health class online over spring break, and I will have to take Political Science (grad requirement) and Psychology online over the summer. It's not exactly convenient, but I would much rather do this than lose all of my music classes.

Foolish Conceitedness (Yes, it's a word, I checked!)

Last Monday, on my way home from school, I was rear-ended at the bottom of the hill of the parking lot at the school. Other than annihilating my clutch in the middle of no where, nothing bad like this has ever happened to me in reference to driving. It scared me. Thankfully, it only chipped up the paint on my car a little bit. But what really scared me is that just that very morning, as I was walking into school, I was talking to one of my friends and she was talking about some accident that happened in the parking lot that morning. I expressed that I was so proud of myself for not getting in a wreck in that parking lot yet, and then, not even 12 hours later, it happened. This has happened before. The summer in between 6th and 7th grade, I was super paranoid about breaking my right arm and not being able to write, so all throughout the summer, I practiced writing with my left hand, so if I ever broke my right arm, I would still be able to write. In early July that summer, I got into an ATV wreck and broke my LEFT arm. I think that God puts these little moments in my life when I get a little conceited to show me that I am NOT in control of my life, He is. In a perfect world, I wouldn't need these little reminders, but I'm not perfect. I can only press on and pursue my Walk By Faith.

Crossfit

I literally have not done anything remotely physically strenuous since the end of softball this fall. I mean, I did Dance Team, which which was strenuous for the part of practice when we would go through entire routines at a time, but other than that it wasn't like I got a work out from that. Anyway, my dad started going to crossfit classes. Crossfit is basically working all major muscle areas in one workout. He asked me to go along with him on Thursday night, so I did. I was just expecting a jackwagon workout that I could slack off in. I was wrong. That was the hardest workout I have ever done in my life! It was completely insane, but I loved it! The trainers work you hard, but it's almost as if they know your limits better than you do. I was so sore on Friday, but it was a good kind of sore feeling. It was a "Wow, I actually did something difficult and I survive, and this is going to help me in the end" kind of sore feeling. I loved it so much that I went back on Friday afternoon with my sisters! We have it set up so that all three of us go to the 4pm class three days a week, and I am really excited for it! Once I get back in shape, I will start going everyday after school, which will be awesome. I am so out of shape right now, and I hate it. I just feel sluggish.

Mom said that the main reason that her and Dad want us to do this Crossfit thing is because this summer we are taking a vacation to Glacier National Park. She said that we will be white water rafting and hiking most of the time, so we need to be in great shape so that she doesn't have to hear us complain about how tired we are. It is going to be a 10 day trip and we are going with our friends the Schafers. I really hope we all don't end up killing each other. 11 people in 2 campers for 10 days... this should be interesting, we barely survive our weekend camping trips. This will be an ultimate test of patience for all of us.

House #4, School #4, and Some Other Stuff....

Well, we moved again. We are now settled (or attempting to be settled) in Kearney, Nebraska. Early in June my wonderful Momma was called by a hospital in Kearney. They wanted her to b the Director of Pharmacy for the new hospital. She turned down the position, explaining to them that it was not a good time for the family to pick up and relocate again. Momma was also holding on to the hope that her boss in Beatrice would retire and she could take over his position when he decided to retire.

In late-August, Mom's boss announced that his wife had cancer and that he was no longer planning to retire soon because of the expense of her treatments. Two days later, Mom got a call from Kearney Regional Medical Center (KRMC). They offered her an even better job with a salary that she could not refuse. Not only would she be the Director of Pharmacy, she would also be the Clinical Director. She accepted the position. We had already set the closing date for our house in Unadilla, so we moved into that house in mid-September.

Mom had to start working for KRMC in October. She would go out to Kearney and stay there during the week and then come home for the weekends. This was a very stressful time. My parents were expecting me to be Mom's "substitute" while she was away during the week, but it got to be extremely difficult because I was really busy and almost never home. How was I supposed to prepare a meal for my family when I was at Encore rehearsal? or dance team practice? or pep band? It was difficult. Mom and I started making frozen meals on the weekends when she was home so that all I had to do was put them in the crock pot before I left in the morning. This was very helpful. One problem that was rather difficult was laundry. Laundry had been a combination effort between my mother and I before she moved to Kearney, and even then it was difficult to get it all done, so when she was gone, getting laundry done was a rather difficult task. I realized rather quickly just how much we needed Mom around. Overnight I suddenly became the Stofer family chef, maid, and chauffeur. Dad would leave at 5 in the morning for work and not get home until 7 or 8 at night. We lived like this up until Christmas. We survived, there were a lot of meltdowns and fights along the way, but we survived.

The moving company showed up at our house with a huge semi-trailer to start packing on December 26th. They left the trailer in front of our house overnight and came back on the 27th to finish packing everything. They loaded everything in the semi trailer except for garage tools and all of the farm machinery that Dad thinks we need to keep even though we don't live on a farm anymore. On the 27th after the house was packed, loaded up and went to Yutan to stay with my Grandpa and Grandma Dreessen overnight. (That is where they moved when they sold their house in Ogallala.) In the morning, our caravan of 7 vehicles departed. Dad, Rudy, and our beloved dog, Reagan, were in the pick-up pulling our moving trailer. Mom, Elle, and the dumb cat were in the Excursion with a bunch of laundry and other such items packed full. Grandma Dreessen and Izzy were in their Explorer. Grandma Stofer was driving her car. Grandpa Stofer was driving my pick-up. Grandpa Dreessen was driving our silver car, and I was driving the red car. It turns out that having 5 vehicles and only 3 people that could drive was a tricky situation, so we had to recruit drivers. That was the first time that I had driven on the Interstate by myself, it was honestly a little scary, especially when we were going through Lincoln.

When we arrived at the house in Kearney, the moving truck was already there, and the movers were putting all of our stuff in our driveway. The real estate agent was supposed to let them in, but he was late, so they just started putting it in the driveway. He showed up soon after and we were able to start our new unpacking adventure. I absolutely love my new house... mainly because I finally can park in the garage!!! Our house has 7 bedrooms! This is the first house that we have had that has had enough bedrooms for everyone with out needing to add an addition! My bedroom is in the basement, but it does not have an escape window yet, so dad will not let me sleep down there. We hired a contractor to dig window wells and put in escape windows, but they can't start working on it until the ground thaws. I told mom to forget about hiring someone, give me a spoon and I could do it... that's how I dug my way to China in our alfalfa field when I was like 5. She laughed and said that she wished it was that easy. Anyway, so all of my stuff except for my bed is in my bedroom. My bed is in the bedroom that we will be converting in to Dad's office later. I will have to sleep in there every night until that escape window is built.

School is going alright. It is just a really weird transition. The school is HUGE! There are so many people! There are about 400 kids in my class alone... it's insane! They have block scheduling, which means rather than having eight 45-minute periods, they have four 90 minute blocks. I really don't like this. It makes it really hard to fit things into my schedule. I had to drop band and Spanish this semester, which really made me mad because I really enjoy both of those classes.

I am taking Advanced Placement Language and Composition (APLaC), Chemistry, and Honors Advanced Math for my first 3 blocks. My fourth block is split in half because Chorale is only a 45 minute period, and then I have study hall in the cafeteria until the end of the day. APLaC is way more difficult than I thought it would be, but I love my teacher! Chemistry is easy, but my teacher is a little disorganized. I had a bit of a bad experience with him on my first day. "Raise your hand if you are planning on going to college." The whole class raised their hands. "Raise your hand if you know what you want your career to be." There were about 5 of us who raised our hands. He pointed at me, "You, what career do you want to pursue?" I cleared my throat, "I want to be a CRNA which is a Nurse Anesthetist." He nodded his ahead and said, "Alright, I just have one question, why would you settle for a CRNA and not just become an Anesthesiologist?" That question caught me off guard a little bit. I answered, "Well, Anesthesiologists are very busy and have to be practically married to their careers. CRNA's have less busy schedules, and I would like to be able to work a flexible schedule because I want to be a Mom when the time comes." He rolled his eyes and then pointed his finger in my face and yelled, "That is BS! I have a friend who is an Anesthesiologist. He has three of the little CRNAs working for him. He calls all the shots, and he makes a lot of money. With money like that, you wouldn't need to stay home with your kids." I was so pissed off. Some people just don't get it. The whole class was in disbelief. "See class, I will help you make wise decisions about your future in this class as well as teach you Chemistry." Let's just say I dread walking into that class everyday. He isn't very organized and it drives me CRAZY! Choir is going really, REALLY well! I absolutely love how talented Mr. Moyer is. Again, it's just a weird transition. I came from a school with a choir of a little under 100, and Mrs. Rodgers was very strict about rules and people shutting up when she asks them to. Now I am in a choir of about 60, and Mr. Moyer lets people talk and be crazy. Maybe I am just super sensitive to it, but I cannot stand it. One day we got completely through the Conversion of Saul and everyone started yelling and cheering and talking. I sat there quietly as a force of habit. I sit in the front row, and Mr. Moyer smiled at me and said, "I am really glad you are singing with us! Do like this piece?". I absolutely LOVE The Conversion of Saul. It is 8 part acapella, and it is absolutely amazing!

We have found a church, but it is not in the church form that you would expect. The name of my church is Living Faith Fellowship, and from what I understand it resulted from a split from Kearney Berean. There is not an actual church building, for now we meet in the Merryman Performing Arts Center. We weren't sure about that church right away, we were worried about some issues that they had with women leading prayer and worship, but that was all resolved. It's amazing how the Lord provides solutions for problems like this. I was just in awe that this issue was worked out.

Last Sunday and Monday, I attended Doane Honor Choir. It started out rather hectic. Mr. Moyer forgot to have the transportation people leave our suburban outside of the bus barn, so he couldn't get to it right away. We ended up leaving almost 45 minutes late. We showed up 1 minute before the conclusion of registration. We keep it classy here in K-Town. I saw Ms. Poe (Mrs. Rodgers...), and she is pregnant! I am so happy for her, and I am absolutely convinced that it is a baby girl! I also found out that she knew about it during All State and she didn't tell me! We were even sharing a room! Anyway, I also saw my wonderful friends Byron and Micah for the first time in like forever. It was so great to see them! I miss those guys so much! Sunday night I was blessed with a surprise MUIOF gift... so that was fun... NOT! Monday was difficult. I lost my appetite at lunch. I am never one to skip a meal, but I just felt crappy. I started feeling a little better after some chick from North Platte gave me some Motrin, that helped A LOT! Before supper, I was walking across the parking lot, and I saw my Grandparents drive up! Both sets of them! I hadn't seen them since we had moved, so I was so glad when I saw them! I also saw Byron's Mom! That woman is so sweet. I had been telling Byron all day that I couldn't wait to get to talk to his mom that night, he probably got annoyed with it rather quickly. On the way home, I was able to experience a little bit of my director's driving abilities... he missed the turn to get out of Crete like twice. I swear he was trying to kill us. We pulled into Kearney around 10, and I was home a little before 10:30. I was so tired, and I felt crappy, so mom let me stay home from school on Tuesday. It was a day of well deserved rest; I have been so busy.

Yesterday was my first Tri-M meeting with the Kearney Music Department. They literally JUST started their Tri-M. Mr. Michell asked me if I had been in Tri-M before, and I told him that I was inducted in Ogallala, but then moved to a school that didn't have one. He said something about how I must be crazy for putting up with moving so many times. Not really my choice, dude. When he introduced me to the group, he said, "This Annastazia, she is a legitimate, inducted member of Tri-M, so hopefully she is going to help us out a lot." I had to point out to him later that I had only ever been to one meeting because of moving, and he said, "Oh, well you're still an official member." I also found out that I will be able to do band as an independent study this semester since I do not have room for it in my schedule! So that's exciting....

Anyway, that's just a little bit about what is going on in my rather busy life right now. I'll try to more diligent about writing, in fact, that's one of my goals this year.

It's All In My Head... Well, Kind Of...

*I started writing this a long time ago, I just got around to finishing it and posting it...*

Thursday night (September 26th) we had a softball game against Auburn at home. Top of the 4th inning. We were winning 11-0. There were two outs, and I was playing center field. Our time expired at the end of the 3rd inning; we all heard the timer go off. Morgan pitched a strike, it was a high strike so when the girl swung, so hit the bottom part of the ball with the top part of the bat. This caused the ball to go VERY high in the air with a dreadful spin. I started hustling into the in-field... That stupid ball was going to land right behind second base and short-stop. It technically should have been the left-fielder's ball, but she wasn't paying attention. I ran so that I was within the usual 45 degree angle that you are supposed to take when you catch a fly ball. I was "Camped under it" (a softball term for "standing and waiting for it to fall into your glove") for about 4 or 5 seconds. I lost it in the sun for a little while, but then I found it again. I was sure that the stupid ball was going into my glove. I don't exactly remember how it happened, but somehow it missed my glove and hit me right above the bridge of my nose in between my eyebrows. A sharp pain went through my entire body. I instantly felt like I was going to throw up and fall over; I could barely stand. I closed my eyes and saw spots for a while, but I could still hear people yelling, running, and collectively saying "oh". I opened my eyes to see Sierra, a girl in Rudy's class who is our short-stop, saying, "How many fingers, babe? How many fingers do you see?" The base umpire was doing the same thing. I couldn't even think, so I shut my eyes again until I heard Coach Bob. He was asking me all kinds of questions, but he wasn't making any sense. I tried answering, but apparently I wasn't making any sense either. He asked me if I could walk, I told him that I hadn't tried yet. He wrapped his arm around me and practically carried me off of the field. He set me down on the bench, and then a flood of people swarmed me. Everyone was asking me all kinds of questions that I just couldn't give answers to. Coach Isaacs was there, as well as Mr. Wentz (a family friend and the middle school principal), Sam Parde's dad who is an EMT, Coach Bob, my sister Elle, and my Mom. They put ice on my forehead, and then I heard Coach Isaacs tell Mom, "If this was my daughter, I would get her out of here right now and get her to the Emergency Room." Within a few seconds I could hear Mom on the phone, "Hello, it's Shanna, I am on my way to your ER with my 16 year old. Possible concussion. Nauseous. Difficulty breathing. Conscious. Have a room ready for her." Two men carried me to the golf cart that they use to take elderly people up and down the long walk-way to get into the field. Mom kept asking me where my keys were and where all of my stuff was. I answered the best that I could, but I'm not exactly sure what I said. Mom loaded me into her car with the help of a few other people. She put my softball sweat towel over my head and then told me to hold the ice pack. That was the most terrible car ride I have ever experienced. I get car-sick VERY easily, and it didn't help that Mom was in a hurry, I was already nauseous, and that I couldn't see. I almost threw up. I was shuffled into a wheelchair, and as we entered the Emergency Room I heard a lot of familiar voices. There was Donna, a family friend of ours who is a nurse at the hospital. Doug, a nurse that Mom worked with when was the Director of Pharmacy at that hospital. Carla, the PA at the hospital. All of the emergency rooms were full, so they put me in a regular room. They ran all kinds of tests and asked me all kinds of questions. After a long string of questions Carla left the room and then came back a few minutes later. She told me that I had a concussion. She also said that I would not be able to play softball, dance on dance team, or march in marching band. I was crushed. I started crying. After they finished my paperwork, mom and I left the hospital and went home. I fell asleep and didn't wake up for a long time.

Mom decided to keep me home from school on Friday, which was completely understandable... my ability to focus resembled some orange/green substance that you might find squashed in a trash can somewhere in the mid.... SQUIRREL.... yup, that is exactly what my ability to focus was like. That morning I slept in really late, and then, while enjoying the peace and quiet, finished all of my English 3 homework, scanned it on to my laptop, and emailed it to my teacher. That afternoon, wearing my SHS dance team uniform with pride, I went to Savannah's house to get ready for the football game. (She is a senior on Dance Team.) The entire team was happy to see me and they all kept staring at my forehead. There was a little bruise but not one that was extremely noticeable. After that we all went to the football game together. I was really hoping that word hadn't spread about my concussion because it was a rather embarrassing experience. But much to my displeasure, word had definitely spread. All of the teachers knew as well as all coaches and administrative personnel. It's amazing how fast something can spread through a small school. John came up to me and hugged me right away. "Holy crap, I heard about your head? Are you okay? Please tell me you can march. We can't afford another whole in our drill, especially with Columbus next week." John is the perfect best friend. His warm embrace and charmingly egotistic personality just lifted my rather depressed attitude. A few minutes later Matt and Kade came running at me. They were searching through the air shouting "I got it! I got it!". Then Matt made a "clunk" noise and then fell over. They were making fun of me. "Hey, Stazia, you know that brown thing in your hand when you play softball, yeah, that's your glove... USE IT!", Matt said through a fit of laughter. After glaring at him for a solid 10 seconds, he finally apologized and hugged me. At the start of the football game, all of the dance team members went to warm up and stretch, I stayed to watch the game with my friends. I was kind of glad that the junior high band was doing pep band that night, I don't think I could have handled all of the noise. During halftime when my team took the field to dance, I stood down in front on the track. I watched intently and cried a little bit. I had finally passed my test out for that dance, and I had worked so hard to learn it, and I didn't even get to perform. I left soon after half time, and I went home and went straight to bed.

The next week was torture. Not only could I not play softball, but I couldn't dance a Dance Team practice, and I couldn't march in band. It was so hard to focus, especially during College Algebra and Chemistry. My teachers were very gracious and often let me wait to take tests/quizzes and a few of them even let me take a nap during class if my head hurt. That Tuesday, during 8th period, I was in Poe's office, and I fell asleep listening to All State music, I slept for almost an hour before Matt came into Poe's office after school and thought I was dead. Ms. Poe just said, "No, her brain is broken, so she is letting it rest." I had to leave a few minutes later for our softball game in JCC that I didn't even get to play in. That morning at early band, someone made a comment like "You should be able to march with a concussion. Why are you just standing there?" Unfortunately, I let my emotions get the best of me and I flipped out. "You have no idea how much it is killing me to just stand there while you guys are marching. Don't you think that if I could be out there, I would? I would give anything to march, to dance, or to play softball, but I can't. So back off." At the end of this rant, I was in tears and Mr. Parde came over and yelled at the person that made the rude comment. The whole band was silent. After rehearsal, a lot of people came up to me and congratulated me for putting that rude person in his place. I just felt terrible.

Wednesday (the 2nd of October) I went in for my check up with the doctor. He made me retake my concussion test on the computer, and then he did a series of physical tests. I PASSED! In fact, one of the areas on my test improved, which was a little odd. I was able to play in my last softball game of the season on that Monday, although coach was worried about me so he didn't put me in much.

Since then, I have days when my head will hurt REALLY bad, and there are days when I am just completely out of it. I didn't think that the side affects would stick around this long, but they did. Moral of this story, use your glove, not your head.

Test Outs

This morning we had dance team practice at 6:30, and I was really excited for it. It was test out day! Test out means that you perform the dance that will be performed at the next sport event with only two other girls in front of the coaches. The coaches give you scores out of 12, you have to get at least a 6 to pass. If you don't pass you can retest as many times as it takes to be performance ready.

On Friday we will be performing our "Team Dance". This is the dance that my entire team learned at the camp that I could not go to. I had one of the girls teach me the dance, but I found out on Saturday that she had taught almost the entire dance to me incorrectly. I had to relearn almost the entire dance on Sunday night before our marching exhibition. I felt like I had a pretty good grasp on it, so I was confident going into test outs. After practice the coaches handed us our score sheets and my heart sank as I looked at it. I needed a 6 to pass, and I received a 5 and 1/2. I was so upset. Tears were already swelling.

I quickly changed in the locker room and then hustled down to the band room. I put my stuff down, and then walked directly into the Vocal Music Room. By then I was sobbing, and Mrs. Rodgers (she will always and forever be Ms. Poe to me...) stood up instantly, held her arms out to hug me, and said, "Oh sweety, what's wrong?". I sobbed for a while in her embrace before answering. I told her the entire story. She told me that I reminded her of herself. We both take everything we do rather seriously and we give it our all. With this, comes dramatic failures. I do not take well to failure. (Unless it is in sports, then I am totally used to it.) I take pride in everything I do, and I do it to the best of my ability, so failing this test out was not easy for me. I cried for a little while longer before the bell rang and we had to go our separate ways. I had to go to band and she had to go teach a little kid music class.

Ms. Poe understands me very well. She is so good at reading my emotions, even if I'm not displaying them. I swear that woman can read my mind. Her and I have always been close, but I think these past couple of months have made us even closer. She expected more out of me as I moved up the leadership ladder, and I rose to the expectation. I always have at least one teacher (usually female) that I trust completely and that I could tell anything to. In Ogallala it was Mrs. Helzer and in Syracuse it is Ms. Poe (or Mrs. Rodgers or whatever you want to call her...). I don't know what I would do with out these two amazing women. Their influence on me is more than they will ever know.

We're Moving

We're moving to Kearney during Christmas Break. Again with the 18 months in one place thing. This is starting to get exhausting.

You Weren't There

You promised you would be there. We must have talked at least 5 times about it in the past week. I have worked so hard for this, and this was my first night to perform, and you weren't there. As we walked onto the field something didn't feel right. They announced all of the dancers, and when my name came up I did my peppy wave and looked into the stands, but you weren't there. Neither of you were. I have been working my butt off since March to get to this point, and tonight was my first performance, and you weren't there. The dance? Well, it went fantastic, thanks for asking. You would have been blown out of the water. I can't really describe what I was feeling out there. I felt like I was dancing on clouds, when in reality I was dancing on a lumpy football field with no shoes on. I rolled my ankle coming down from my spread eagle jump half way through the song, but you wouldn't know that because you weren't there. I guess I don't understand why you would show up to watch him play football and leave before you could watch me dance. Whatever. What's done is done. Thanks for the support. Not.

Welcome to High School Fall Softball

Thursday was our first game of the season! It was a JV double header, but since our team is slightly smaller than last year, the coaches decided to let everyone but the seniors come. We had 17 girls and we split into two teams, one for each game. Our opponent was Platteview High School, and this is the first year that they have had a High School Fall Softball team. They didn't want to bite off more than they could chew, so they only wanted to play our JV team. They made a big deal about this game. They had a pep band which never happens at a softball game, the mayor of Springfield gave a speech, the school board president gave a speech, they had an announcer announce all of our names (they actually pronounced my name right!), and they had two people throw the honorary first pitches on the new field. Those poor people had no idea what was in store for them.

The first game went on forever. I did not start the first game, I was assigned to the second game. During the second inning alone, we scored about 15 points, which is A LOT for an inning. In the third inning, my coach was coaching third base (the opposite side of the field from our dug out), and he yelled across the field, "OG! Go get warmed up!" I rolled my eyes as I grabbed my glove and visor. My coach likes to creates nicknames, and mine is OG. This started this summer during conditioning. I turned most of my Ogallala t-shirts into cut offs, and I wore them this summer at conditioning, so he started calling me Ogallala. After a few days he decided that Ogallala was too long, so he started calling me OG. He put me in left field, and it was a three-up three-down inning, and the game was over. We won 19-3.

I started the next game in center field. We I was up to bat, I hit a ball in the gap between second base and center field. They tired to throw me out at one, but it was an over throw, so as I rounded first, coach was yelling, "OG! JimmyJohn! JimmyJohn! Get down on three!" This was not the call I was expecting. JimmyJohn means running first to third with out stopping at all or looking at the ball. We usually use this play with our super fast runners who can slide well, not throwers who just plop on the base without sliding properly. But I did it anyway, and surprisingly, I beat the throw to third, so technically, I hit a triple. The next girl up hit a single, and I was able to score. The next time I was up, I was walked to first, and then stole my way around to third. The next girl up was a freshman, and she had a beautiful hit down the third base line, the only problem was, it drilled me in the ankle. I instantly brought my knee up to my chest and clutched my leg. Through tears I looked down and saw that I was in fair territory. Crap. I was called out, and the freshman was given first base. I was scared to let my foot touch the ground; I seriously was about to hop back to the dug out. I slowly dropped my leg and let it touch the ground. The second that I put weight on it, I fell. The first thing that popped into my head after I fell was "Crap, I'm not going to be able to perform at Fall Kickoff with the Dance Team". I got up, and gimped back to the dug out, and after walking on it for the rest of the inning, I was able to go back into the game. I was so angry at myself because the coaches have told us so many times that when we are on third, we need to do our lead off in foul territory. I did, but I wasn't watching the ball when I started running, I just listened for the CRACK sound of contact, so when I started running towards home, I drifted into fair territory, and then when I realized that it was coming straight for me, I tried to jump, but it was too late. Had I been in foul territory, I would not have been called out, and I would have scored. When I got back to the dug out, my coach said, "Stofer, I have a new nickname for you, OG just isn't working for me." I laughed, "Alright was bizarre name could you possibly have come up with this time?" I was a little surprised at his answer, "Big O!" So now, when ever I do something well, he yells, "Atta Girl, Big O! Big O!" (He holds on to the "Ohhhhh" forever. It is annoying.)

We ended up winning that game 16-3. I feel bad for Platteview, they had no idea what was coming. Fall softball so different than Spring ball and traveling teams, and that is what those girls were used to. Welcome to High School Fall Softball, Platteview High School. Enjoy the ride!

P.S. I will be able to perform at Fall Kick-Off, and I have a an awesome bruise! All of us girls on the softball team compare our bruises, and currently mine is the best! :)

'Tis the Season!

Fall softball season started on Monday, and I am very excited! The first day of practice was kind of difficult, but it always is. It's weird how much you fall out of routine if you haven't done something in awhile. The last time I had played softball before Monday was the week before All State Camp. It was strange. Routine push-threw ground balls were catching me off balance and ill prepared. I forgot all of the little things such as don't turn and burn with your glove in the air, don't say "no cut" if you don't need a cut, 30 means 30... RED LIGHT. These small things that I have been yelled at for biffing up numerous times completely slipped my mind the first day. Thankfully, I was not the only one who let all of these minor yet important details slip my mind. The second practice was definitely better. The general team attitude was a lot lighter, and the coaches didn't have to yell as much. Although, my coaches yell A LOT... and cuss, they like to do that too. Anyway, we were doing an outfield fly ball drill, and I was running after a ball that was soaring high above left field. I didn't think I was going to be able to catch it in the air to get the out, but I kept running anyway. I looked up and noticed that it was starting to drop at a weird angle, so I jumped up in the air to get. I successfully caught it, and in the process fell to the ground. As I stood up the whole team was laughing at me. I asked, "What's so funny?" with a confused expression. As I returned to the line, my friend Shae finally stopped laughing and told me what happened, "It was just so funny because we can totally tell that you are on dance team because you did a perfect leap when you caught the ball. Your back leg was so straight and stiff, and your jump was graceful." This made me start laughing because just last week in Dance Team Practice we took 45 minutes of our time just working on leap technique. I could do a leap in my sleep. (Ha! That rhymes!) Today at practice, I got a home run off of a bunt, which should never EVER happen. (For those of you who don't know, a bunt is when you hit the ball straight to the ground in front of you. A bunt doesn't go more than a few feet in front of home plate.) Anyway, the coaches were pissed. "You just let Annastazia Stofer score a home run off of a bunt! Annastazia Stofer! No offense Annastazia... But seriously girls! She isn't fast at all and you let her score a home run off of a (bleep) bunt!" That ended poorly for the girls that were playing defense, but all the girls on offense were laughing.

Today I marched in the Otoe County Fair Parade. Holy crap. People need to learn how to march, count, and when to chair step. It was terrible. I feel really sorry for Mr. Parde, he is trying so hard, and people aren't working hard in return. That's all I'm going to say about that. After we were done marching, I had to run back to the start of the parade to get in the back of the "Dance Team Truck" and throw candy at small children. It was so much fun, and it is so cool to see how much the little girls look up to us. There was this adorable little girl with poms-poms who came up and hugged my leg! She was adorable, and she had cute curly, bleach blonde hair!

With the start of softball season also comes the start of school. Tomorrow is the first day, and I am actually excited to back into a normal routine. As for homework and studying... not so much.

Be Thou My Vision

I've probably mentioned this before, but Be Thou My Vision is by far my favorite hymn. (The old version, not the up beat new version with the different melody...). We sang it today in church, and it was wonderful because the orchestra is back from their "summer break". It was also amazing because Mr. Boehr was leading worship, and not the new young guy. Mr. Boehr is so awesome, he is so smart and he is so dedicated to the Lord. I noticed something about the orchestra today that I don't think I have noticed before. If you have ever watched someone play violin, you will notice that they usually lean or rock back and forth a lot. Well today during the big crescendo came during Be Thou My Vision, the entire violin section leaned at the same time, some of them were practically falling out of their chairs. I don't know why I found this so funny, I mean, I'm sure it happens with other orchestras. I want to join orchestra so bad, but I really don't think that I am good enough. All of the instruments either have microphones attached to them, or attached to their stands. That means no wrong notes, that also means that if I randomly stop playing they are going to turn my mic up which means my playing will be exposed even more. One of the oboe players broke her wrist or arm or finger or some sort of arm part last year, which opened up a spot, but I was too scared to try to take her place. This morning we also sang What a Savior by Laura Story. My friend Kaylee was standing next to me, she poked me and said, "It's your solo!". During the chorus Kaylee  and Lauren sang their respective Soprano 2 part, and I sang the Alto part. It wasn't the same as singing it in Girls Choir, but it was still good.

This evening I went to Nicole's wedding. Nicole is Kara's older sister, and she is my adopted older sister. She has been my role model since Kara and I became friends in like first grade. She is beautiful on the inside and out, and she loves the Lord. Nicole used to be our Nanny, so after spending entire summers with her, we became very close. (She could tell you numerous horror stories about babysitting us; we were very naughty children. One time we locked her out of the house for about half an hour. Let's just say I had trouble sitting down for a couple of days after the spanking we got from Dad that night. Ouch. It hurts just thinking about it.) It was weird to see her standing up there with her new husband. To me, she always be teenager-Nicole, not newly married Nicole. She was a major factor in my choice to become a Nurse. She will graduate from Creighton University School of Nursing this year. It's just strange to think that just a few years ago she was driving us to the pool, making us lunch, making sure we didn't kill each other, making sure we got our chores done, cleaning up our scrapes, cuts, and other "owies", and now she has to babysit her husband. Time has flown by. Nicole will always be like my older sister, and I can't wait to witness her pursue her walk by faith with her new husband.

Official... I guess?

This week I have been helping out with Jr. High Band Camp, and upon my arrival at home after band camp on Monday, my Momma had some pretty exciting news. The sale of our house has been finalized, the closing day is September 12th! We set the closing day for the house in Unadilla for September 12th as well. Mom also said that on September 12th we will leave for school from our house here, but when we go home we will go home to the house in Unadilla. I am excited, but I am worried about moving during the school year. The first time I moved, I had two weeks to get my room organized before school, the second time I had an entire summer, and now I will only have a few hours when I get home (after school and softball practice). I have not actually seen the inside of this house, so I am a little curious as to what it is like. Momma told me that my room is the smallest because they had to give Rudy the biggest room because he is going to have to get a super long bed because he is going to be so flipping tall. Today when we were shopping Mom and I were talking about my room colors and decorations and such. I'm not a fan of a lot of decorative items, I think they just make rooms look cluttered. I am a big fan of simplicity. Momma and I decided that my colors are going to be yellow and grey. Ideas were flowing through both of our heads about verses that can be put on the walls and a hamper to match my blanket and an antique desk that we are going to paint and use and such. But then I pointed out that I would be moving out in two years anyway, so why put so much effort in to it. This created a dreary awkward silence, but then Momma said that it would be worth it even for the short amount of time.

I am very excited for our new house, except for one thing... it is in town. We are NOT town people. We yell, we fight, we walk around in minimal clothing, we are obnoxious, we are messy, we are Stofers! It will be interesting to see how this all works out. I can guarantee that the cops will be called at some point. Our neighbors are going to hate us. There is a reason that we live at least a mile from all possible neighbors and surround our house with a tree line. Also, the house only has a two car garage... that won't work with our 5 and 1/2 vehicles. (Rudy's pick-up currently is not able to be driven yet, so I only count that as half of a vehicle. It's so funny to watch him try to work on that thing. Last week he was out there almost the entire day just cleaning up rat poop and removing some gas tanky thingy. That thing seems to complicated to actually fix.) It's not going to be an easy adjustment, but I am excited that I will only have to drive 5 miles to school! That cuts off at least 30 minutes of driving time per day. It will be wonderful, and maybe then my parents will stop nagging me about my gas bill. Some kids fear the day when their phone bill comes in the mail... I, on the other hand, fear the day when my gas bill comes in the mail. It usually ends in catastrophe, and by catastrophe, I mean a lot of chores. On the bright side, school starts this week! Only two more years!

Defying Social Standards

I have been thinking a lot about stereotypes, defying social standards, and social status lately. If you haven't noticed, I am not a stereotypical teenage girl. I don't drink, smoke, or do drugs. I do not tan into a perfect golden brown color in the summer. I enjoy going to church to learn more about my Lord and Savoir. I have straight A's, and it will stay that way all through High School and College. I desire to serve people, which is why I want to become a Nurse. I am not stick thin, nor will I ever be. I don't go to wild parties, in fact the parties I do go to can't even be called parties, they are "Nerd Gatherings". My hair will never be perfectly straight; I will always wake up in the morning with an Afro. I despise school dances, yet force myself to go to them anyway. I am respectful to my peers, teachers, and other such elders. I do not date, and I am not on a man hunt. I would rather write in my journal or read a sappy romance novel then talk on the phone or waste time on the computer. I do not strive for popularity, first of all it is stupid to set your mind to something like that, second of all I am pretty sure popularity is unreachable for me. I say stupid things, and my mouth usually speaks before my brain can process whether I should say it or not. I am in LOVE with Math and English. I flea from any potential drama. I love singing and dancing, but when those two actions are combined, it usually ends in some sort of catastrophe. I love to use large words, and it makes me even more happy when I have to explain what said words mean to other people. Country music puts me to sleep every night, and every night before I go to bed, I sing my All-State scales and arpeggios. I guess what I am trying to say is... I'm not a normal high school aged girl, and I feel like there is always a lot of peer pressure to conform to social standards, but I don't want to. I don't want to become a typical, robotic, snotty, drama-infested girl. I have watched far too many girls fall into the social standards, it really makes me sad.

I guess the main reason I have been thinking a lot about this stuff is because this year I am defying social standards in many ways. This year I am going to be on Dance Team, usually only popular people are on Dance Team. I am not in any way, shape, or form popular, and I don't want to be. I also made Student Council, which is a total popularity contest. I am just a little nervous about this year. Everyone always says that Junior year is the hardest. I believe it. This year my math class, College Algebra, counts as college credit. If I screw that up, I am already hindering my chances of being successful in college. I also opted to take the hardest science class available for Juniors... Chemistry. I am not very good at anything science related except for human anatomy type stuff. In fact, I died a little inside when I found out that I will have to take Chemistry in college to become a nurse. It's not going to be easy. I am also worried  about my ACT. My parents have made it very clear that they have no intention of paying my way through college, so I need to have a good ACT score as well as my 4.0 GPA. I told myself that I was going to take it blindly the first time and not study at all, but I have changed my mind. I have been taking practice tests and studying like crazy. I have been praying a lot about all of this, but especially upholding my testimony through all of this. This year will definitely be a test of faith. I really need to stop worrying. The Lord's will will be done. I just need to pursue my walk by faith.

Unsightly Photos... Level: Stofer

So my mother was going through some rather recent photos, and she pointed out all of the ones that I look yucky or stupid in... there were a lot of them. Normal people would be embarrassed, but I'm not normal and neither is my family.

 

This is probably my favorite. Ahh Christmas card pictures... You see, we never actually send out Christmas Cards. Mom always forgets, and by the time she remembers it is too late. One of these years we will actually get them sent, hopefully before I graduate. Anyway, we go through the same routine every freaking time we take a sibling picture. No one can hold still. Someone is always blinking. The cat/dog/rabbit intrudes. (You can't see him, but our little rabbit Haas was hopping around on the floor in front of us. He was wearing his pink harness, and we felt that he was important enough to be in our sibling picture.) Mom has the camera messed up. Mom can't get the right angle. We are laughing at someone's bodily function whether it be a fart, burp, sneeze, or any combination of the three. And in this case especially, we make funny faces at Mom to piss her off because we are tired of sitting there. There is a quite hilarious story behind the conversation that went on right before this picture was taken, but all four of us have sworn to secrecy. Just know that it is quite embarrassing.

This is the "Like Father Like Daughter" picture. You see I am always VERY tired on Sunday afternoons. It just seems like a perfect nap time. On this particular Sunday afternoon, I was supposed to be folding clothes, and Dad was supposed to be working on his little fire report thingy, but as you can see, neither of those things are getting done. Why? Because we Stofers can fall asleep any time in any place. Some people think it's weird, but I think it's a gift. (Except for when you fall asleep some place silly like on a cement pad in front of a barn or on the deck because in those instances, you get really bad sunburns... Yes, I know this from experience.) Notice that we were both too lazy to even change out of our church clothes. 

This one was taken a few weeks after Dad moved back to our Eastern Nebraska house to work on the Omaha Fire Department again. Mom and the four of us were still living in Ogallala to finish up the school year. We went out to eat, and Mom said "Kids, scrunch together so I can take a nice picture and send it to your father." Yup, this our idea of a nice picture. It's too bad that the camera cut off Rudy's face in this picture. That was quite the sight. Notice my Grandpa in the background trying to grab his stuff and get out of there before people thought that he was related to us. Not really, but that's what I would do.

"Annastazia and Rudy! Look over here so I can take your picture!" "No, Mom, you have taken enough pictures." 3 minutes later... "Mom you have taken at least 20 pictures can we be done yet?" "Alright now you've done it. You've pissed me off. I'm deleting all of them, and after that I'm only going to take one picture, so you had better make it good." This is what we chose to look like in said final picture. I was laughing so hard that I was almost crying. In our defense, we had just gotten done with 20 minutes worth of family Easter photos, and that was a long and irritating experience for all of us, including those of us who did not get breakfast and were eagerly awaiting Easter Lunch. For some reason my family is incapable of taking decent pictures. Now I realized that the majority of this problem could be fixed by the four of us being more patient and understanding, but Mom is such a difficult person to deal with when she is behind a camera. It's a very good thing that she is a pharmacist and not a photographer. Holy cow. That would be bad. I could go on and on with unsightly Stofer pictures, but I will save you the anguish.

Band Camp Day 1: Danielle!

I could not sleep last night, I had far too many things on my mind. Things that shouldn't keep me awake at night, things that are completely out of my control. So it was no surprise that I slept through all 10 of my alarms. (They start at 5:30 and go off every five minutes until the time that I need to get up, which is 6:15.) My Momma came in my room right before she left for work and kindly said, "It's 6:30! Get your lazy butt out of bed or you are going to be late for softball!" I was so tired. Thankfully I didn't have to do much to get ready, and I was out of the house by 6:41. (Not a record, but pretty close.) For softball conditioning we did all kinds of sprints and agility exercises in the gym because it was raining outside. (I voted for running in the rain, but some girls where complaining about how they might mess up their hair or smear their make-up. Puh-lease. It is conditioning, not a flipping fashion show.) After conditioning, we went into the weight room, and us band people did a shortened workout so that we could get out of there in time for band camp at 9.

As I walked into the band room, I was quite disappointed. It already smelled like BO. Yuck. We started with sectionals. Sectionals really make me mad. Flutes go with the clarinets, but the clarinet section leaders just mess around the entire time. They won't even count off or clap off, which irritates me to no end. There are only two flutes this year, and my flute-mate was at a volleyball camp. So just like all of our July rehearsals, I took over the little sectional shin-dig. I was in the middle of a 12 count count-off when the door opened and Danielle came in! Danielle graduated this year, and she is amazing! Everyone always says that I am the blonde version of her. Anyway, we are great friends, and I was so happy to see her. I kept counting off as she walked by, and she petted the top of my head and said, "That's my girl!". She was definitely the senior that I looked up to the most last year. We spent sooo many hours together practicing choir music and preparing for All State. We even had an "Alto 2 females who are trying out for All-State" cookie stash in the desk in Poe's old office. Ms. Poe would let us go in there during class and practice All-State stuff because she knew that we knew our regular choir music well enough. She was our choir president this year, so she gave a speech at the end of the year music banquet. The way she gave her speech was pretty neat. The basic idea of it was to show how much we procrastinate, but it also recapped the entire year. I enjoyed it. Anyway, after the speech she came up to me and hugged me and said, "I wanted so much to include in my speech that the only reason the four of us made All-State was because of you, but I figured that would look kind of bad because you didn't make it." I laughed and then we were both sobbing. We both cried a lot throughout the year.

After sectionals we had lunch and then did circuits. I love doing circuits! It's so much fun to teach all of the little freshman all of the commands and calls and fundamentals and such. After that we ventured out into the rain to do more fundamental stuff. I had a pretty decent conversation with John about recent problems and such on the way down to the field. After field fundamentals we ventured into parade marching. We were practicing our ending chair step on the cement, which was quite difficult because the road was covered in water. After that we marched back to the field to do our drill down. I was doing quite well until Mr. Parde threw in the delayed "hut" after "Right Flank". It get's me every time. I didn't leave school until around 3:15, and frankly, I was ready to get out of there.

After supper, I discovered something not so good. I have Pink Eye. Yucky. It is a very uncomfortable feeling, it's disgusting. I hope the eye drops make it better soon. Looks like I will be wearing my "bug eye" glasses for a while. Wonderful.

Moving On, Not Letting Go

My grandparents took their house off of the market, they were not pleased with their real estate agent, and were getting frustrated. But last week they got a call from the real estate agent that they had fired. He said that he had a couple that was  really interested in their house and wanted to know if he could show it. They said yes, and after two showings, this couple made an offer on the house, and on Friday my grandparents and this couple came to an agreement. So that's it. The house is sold. The closing date is sometime in mid-October. We were on our way to the bridal shower of a girl who used to be our nanny when Momma told me this. At first I was VERY excited. I miss Grandma and Grandpa sooo much. It was so awesome to live so close to them, and I want them to be close to us again. Moving away from them was VERY difficult. Then Momma said something that really upset me. She said, "And now that they'll be out of Ogallala we can finally bring that chapter of our lives to a close. We really don't have any good reason to go back there as often as we do now." I was so upset, and then I said something very stupid and rude, I even tried to convince myself not to say it. So as tears and sobs were emitting, I practically yelled, "That's easy for you to say, you didn't have to leave the most amazing friends you have ever had behind." I regretted saying that the instant it came out of my mouth. I felt terrible. Those words tasted like vinegar as they came out of my mouth. I vented to her for the next half hour about how I feel like I am loosing my best friends. I only get to see them once every couple of months or so. Out of sight out of mind. It happens. This isn't the first time I've moved away from friends. Although, this is the first time that I have maintained contact and closeness with a group of friends post-moving. Last week I was able to spend a few days with some of them at All State Choir Camp at UNK. At the first meal I turned to Syd and said, "I've forgotten what it's like to be with all of you guys for more than a couple of hours at a time." It's true. I always feel a little out of the loop, a little like an outsider. And maybe it's because I am an outsider. I don't know. My family is ready to move on and forget that our little Ogallala Adventure even happened. I don't think I'm ready for that yet. Yes, it ended badly, yes it put us in a lot of struggles, yes it was a definite test of faith, but God had us move out there for a reason. I truly believe it. I don't know what's going to happen, I don't know when I will see my friends again. Mom says we will be making a lot of trips on the weekends out to help Grandma and Grandpa pack and to get the tractor and to clean out our last storage unit, but starting labor day weekend I have either a softball tournament or a marching competition on every weekend until State Marching Competition (which is October 26th), so I don't even know if I will get to go along. I knew this transition would happen eventually, but I didn't think it would happen so soon. It's amazing to me how I can plan things out in my head as to the way I want them to go, but God comes along and does His will. That's my pray and plea, that His will will be done through this entire situation, that I would have faith and turn my worries over to Him. As for right now, I will pursue my walk by faith.

"Therefore Comma"

When I was going into sixth grade, our school bought a new type of reading curriculum. Each of us had to go through a series of tests to see where we would be placed. They had three different levels for each grade, and some of the levels overlapped with grades above us and below us. My sixth grade class was split into three different reading groups. My tests went very well... except for one... Reading Out-loud. My score was terrible on this. For some reason, when I would read out-loud, I would mess up so many words. I would glance ahead to see what happens next, and then I would loose my place and get frustrated, this frustration would cause me to switch words around, drop them out, or add completely new words. As my frustration increased, it became more and more difficult for me to read. It was very embarrassing. I would always get called on to read because I was a "nerdy smart person", and I would always be so embarrassed that I couldn't read eloquently like the rest of the nerds. My teachers could never understand it. I was proficient in all other places except for this. If I was reading in my head, I could read books that were two or three years above my "level" and my scores on those tests were nearly perfect. But because of my inability to read out-loud fluently, I was put in the lowest level in my grade. In fact, when I was in sixth grade and Rudy was in fourth grade, we were taking the same reading class. He was ahead, and I was behind. It really frustrated me because if you were in the lowest level reading class, you had to stay in that level for Language Arts and Spelling as well. I hated sitting through those classes. It is so frustrating when you know the answer by heart and someone else doesn't get it at all so the teacher has to keep revisiting the subject. (If you have been around me enough, you know that I cannot say the words "therefore or however" without saying the word "comma" after it. This is because in my language class people would forget to write the comma, so when we were speaking out-loud my teacher would make us say the word "comma". Unfortunately, that stuck with me, and I can't seem to break that habit. It's not necessarily a bad habit, it is just annoying to other people.) I was so frustrated. The summer between sixth and seventh grade, I decided that I was not going to be in that lower level class, so I worked really hard on reading out-loud. I read everything out-loud: signs, books, magazines, the TV, anything and everything. (This is also another habit that I formed.) I had a lot of down time that summer after my four wheeler wreck that ended in a broken arm, so I would go to the library every other day to get new books. When we went to take the tests the first week of school my seventh grade year, I passed out of the lowest level! I was so happy. I still to this day, cringe a little when I am asked to read out-loud, I still don't feel as if I can read eloquently, but it is WAY better than it was when I was in elementary school. It's amazing what you can do when you put your mind to it.

House/Job Relocation Update

About a month ago while I was at High School Camp in Missouri, my Momma got a call from a new hospital in Kearney. They had somehow heard about how she had set up the entire pharmacy under a director position for the Syracuse Hospital, and they wanted her to do the same for their new hospital. So that Thursday Momma called me and the first thing out of her mouth was, "What do you think about moving to Kearney?" I started crying. I didn't want to move again. That would have been my 3rd high school, and my 4th new school. She went to the interview the week after, and they offered her the job and more than what my parents make combined for a salary. So they started looking into options. If we were going to move to Kearney, Dad would have to stay with the Omaha Fire Department for five more years until he can retire. (Technically he "retired" from the department when we moved to Ogallala, but that is a long and confusing story.) So if we were to move to Kearney, Dad would have to get an apartment in Omaha, and stay in Omaha for one week and then in Kearney for another week. This really upset me. I hate when Dad's not around, we don't function properly without the entire family. I didn't want to go to a huge Kearney school, so Mom and I started looking into Private Schools in the area. Kearney Catholic was the only one we could find. We didn't even talk to Dad about that one... the answer would have been something like "Over my dead body." So Kearney Public it was... I looked into it, they don't even have a softball team! I was angry. I would have had to quit Dance Team and Student Council here in Syracuse, and I would have to leave my wonderful church. I really struggled with having faith during this whole situation. There were so many nights of crying myself to sleep. I didn't read my bible at all during that whole week. Finally one night I broke down completely I was so ashamed that I wasn't having faith and that I wasn't in the Word. I prayed and read like crazy the next two weeks. After Mom and Dad got back from Minnesota (they went to go pick up our new camper), they called a family meeting. (I was scared. The last time we had a family meeting was the night that the City Council decided to "eliminate the fire chief position". It was the night that Dad told us that there was a very slim chance that we would stay in Ogallala.) Anyway... Dad announced that they had decided that we were not going to move to Kearney. He said that it would put Mom in too much of a "family leader role", and that he didn't want to put any of us into a situation where our family wasn't being held together in a biblical way. They also announced that we received an offer on our house. However, the sale was contingent on the buyers selling their house. So we are waiting for that to happen! We have finally found a house that would work for our family. The main problem with this house is that it is in town. We are NOT town people. We are loud and obnoxious. There is a reason that we live way out in the country with our acreage surrounded by a thick tree line. This house is in the town of Unadilla, which is just five miles west of Syracuse. It is closer to church, closer to school, and closer to Omaha for Dad. So we are just waiting on the sale of our buyer's house.Through this whole thing I have learned that I need to make sure that I am turning all of my worries over to the Lord, and putting my complete faith in Him. I also need to make sure that I stay in the Word when things like this come up. Thankfully, I have wonderful people in my life who encourage me to do these things on a daily basis. I am very thankful for those amazing people.