Anxiety/Nervous Breakdown/Complaining

This past week I have been noticing that I am acting strangly. I am always on edge, sassy, flighty, annoyed, worried, freaking out, or all of the above. I seriously don't know what is going on with me. Tuesday, in World Cultures (seventh period), I started freaking out. I was having some sort of weird nervous break down. At first, I thought that I was just nervous for the test I was about to take, but I had studied for it and knew all of the answers. My whole body was shaking, and I could barely write. (My hand writing was so bad it almost looked like Byron's hand writing... sorry Bud, couldn't resist). I noticed that my breathing was short and weezey, so then I thought I was having an asthma attack, but my breathing calmed down after about 5 minutes of deep controlled breaths that made me light-headed. As Mr. Kreklow passed out our tests, my whole body started shaking again. I looked at the people around me and they weren't shaking, and they didn't even notice that I was. I gave a worried glance to Mr. Kreklow as he returned to his desk, but he did not react at all. Staring at the page, I tried to calm myself down, but it wasn't working very well. I read and reread all of the questions and answered them to my best ability, but so many things were rushing through my head that I could not concentrate at all. I noticed that I calmed down a little bit after handing in my pathetic attempt of a test. My body continued to shake throughout the class period, and when the bell rang, I practically jumped out of my seat. I rushed to my locker, and then headed to my eighth period Biology class. As my body was still shaking in Biology, I decided that I needed to find away to calm myself down or driving to softball practice after school was going to be very dangerous. I have no idea how it happened, but finally, fifteen minutes before the bell rang, I calmed myself enough so that I could at least write again.

Softball practice that night was sketchy, at best. Coach decided that it was going to be a conditioning day. So along with our normal drills and workouts, we had to condition. As a first baseman, every ball that I dropped, I had to run all the way around the field (which is a pretty long distance for a softball player who only sprints from base to base). We had to run a ladder drill, in this drill we had to run 4 home-firsts, 3 home-second's, 2 home-third's, and 1 home-home. We did that drill 5 times. We also had to do a bunch of throwing drills where we were tracking 5 balls at a time. Which means throwing ball after ball after ball. This absolutely killed my already injured shoulder. I could barely hold my arm up enough to drive my car home. And now I have to wear this weird icing contraption that ties around my neck and around my arm and applies REALLY cold ice to my shoulder.

(I'm not one for complaining, but I figured if I was going to complain I should get it all out in one post.)

The Suicidal Goat/Sheep-ish looking thing

As you drive through the flourishing town (you can't even call it a town... let's go with 'Domestic Gathering of a couple homes in one general area') of Burr, NE, there is a cute red house on the northwest side. The people that live there own the entire block, so they can have "pasture" for their llama/goat/sheep-ish looking things (I honestly have no idea what they are). Anyway, there are about 6 of these little 'creatures', and when ever I drive through Burr, they are all out in the road. So I honk and they all go waddling back through the small whole in the fence, except for the pudgy one. He waddles back to the fence as well, but when he realizes that he can't get his fat 'creature' butt through the hole, he runs back to the road! This crazy creature has almost been run over multiple times! (Mainly by two fairly tall people who pay no attention to the speed limit in residential areas...cough...Mom and Dad....cough). I feel so sorry for this poor little fat 'creature'! Lately, when I drive through Burr the same thing happens, except the fat one isn't there. I think the owners ate him! It almost made me sad to not see the fat little 'creature' waddle around in the road. I, feeling a little emtionally touched by the fat 'creature', kind of hope he comes around again.

P.S. A+ for using a participial phrase in that last sentence! We happen to be 'disecting' those in English right now, and I happen to be ignoring my English homework to create this post. :)

Shoulder Injury

Fall softball practice started in July, and ever since that first day of practice, I have been expiriencing major shoulder pain on my throwing arm. I brushed it off as sorness, which would make sense. I went from throwing 2 hours a week to throwing for 2 hours a day 5-6 days a week. I have been playing through the pain this whole time, but then my shoulder started hurting when I would do normal things, such as, playing my piccolo, putting dishes away, brushing my teeth, combing my hair. It made me really worried about if I was going to be able to continue playing.

So, I went to see the trainer and he said I have somesort of tendonistis in my shoulder. (I wasn't really listening to what kind of tendonitis it was, I was too busy focusing on his mono-tone, high, whispery voice...it was driving my crazy!). The good news is that I will be able to finish out the rest of this softball season, but the bad news is that after softball season I'm not allowed to do any throwing or heavy lifting with my arm until after Christmas break. I was pretty depressed about it, but my mom joyfully suggested that during that period of time I could do ab workouts and run a lot to get into shape. I rolled my eyes and laughed at her fail of an attempt to make me feel better. It looks like from October to January I will be heavily training for the Triathlon I plan on doing next summer!

As for right now, I play through the pain. I have to ice my shoulder everyday after practice, and I have to do shoulder exercises that make me look flat out dumb, but oh,well. :) It will "supossedly" help me in the long run!



P.S. I successfully obtained my School Permit this week! Driving to school, a shoulder injury, Encore, and homecoming all in the same week!?! CRAZY!

Get in here!

Just a normal day, a Monday, I went to school and somehow managed to carry my overloaded backpack on my exasperated back through the halls and through the classes. A near miss in English, acing a Geometry quiz, managing to squeak out a few spanish words, typing some pointless "re-type me" document, and listening to lectures. After 8th period I went down to the over crouded sophmore section of the  lockerroom and collected my necessities for softball practice. Practice seemed to drag on FOREVER, it was a "hitting day", so after about an hour of base running, we set up hitting stations and got our "cuts" (swings) in. Finally, coach called us in for a breakdown and we were allowed to leave. FINALLY! The night I had been waiting for since I found out I was moving back to Syracuse, Encore audtion night. I walked into that choir room completely covered in dust, sweat, and a little bit of dried blood from catching my arm on someone's steel cleat. I looked like a mess, I was still wearing my horendous smelling sliding shorts, pads, and protecters. No one said anything about my appearance, much to my surprise. A lot of people had to leave early for certain events, so they "HAD" to go first. I sat in that choir room for an hour before a cranky senior came in and pointed at me and said, "You, get in here, we need an alto." Finally, the moment I had been waiting for. I sang "My Counrty tis of Thee" and then it was time to start the audition song. The soprano and tenor singing with me had already auditioned, so they sang their part quietly in the back, so all you could really hear was me and the wimpy bass singer next to me. We sang all the way through the audtion song, and then they had us all sing it again, but this time they had me stand on the other side of the large room so they could hear the bass singer. "Thank you, please leave quietly." Ms. Poe said. I was not thrilled by the blank look on her face. I searched that red-head for any sort of expression at all, I needed some sort of reassurance that I did not just completely screw my audition up, but she gave me no expression at all.

Two days later, Ms. Poe posted the list in the hallway outside of the choir room. I raced out of eighth period to see the list, there was a crowd around it, my friend Kensie was crying, and at the moment I couldn't tell if it was tears of joy or sadness. I looked at the list, I scanned for my name, but didn't see it, my heart sank and I was about to walk away when another one of my friends said, "Congrats Annastazia!" I turned around and reread the list. Sure enough, right in the middle of the list it said "Annastazia Stofer". I was so happy! I could barely contain my eagerness! I couldn't stop smiling that entire night. I smiled all the way through softball practice (my coaches probably thought I was loosing my sanity or something... nevermind... I never had any sanity). My parents were very pleased and excited as well. September 10th is our first Encore practice! I can't wait! That night before I fell asleep, I thanked God for talent and desire he gave me. My only plea is that my talent would be used to glorify Him.

For those of you who don't know what Encore is, it is a select (audition only) show choir type of choir. It is the "ellite choir" in Syracuse. There are 5 sopranos, 5 altos (that's me!), 4 tenors, and 6 basses.

It's Unofficially Official

I have already endured 9 days of school at Syracuse. (That's a lie I went there for four and a half years before I moved). And frankly, I'm not very happy. My classes are so easy, and things just aren't the same. I HATE getting the "New-Old-Kid-Who-Randomly-Came-Back-After-Only-Being-Gone-For-18-Months" Treatment. It really bugs me, and I feel so out of the "Syracuse Loop". So many people have changed while I was gone. School is different, it is like picking up where I left off but in a different environment because everything is so different. I changed while I was in Ogallala, and it was for the better, but sometimes I wish things wouldn't change. It's times like this that I need to know that I'm not in controll of my life, God is. He had a reason for moving us out to Ogallala for me to expirience the best year and a half of my life, and then rip it all away. He has a reason for me being back in the place I was so anxious to leave, and He has a reason for everything. I need to chang emy attitude about this, or this is going to be the worst 3 years ever.

Bald in the Bible

This week I came across a verse in the bible that made me laugh so hard! I told Byron about it and I thought I would share it with all of you!

Leviticus 13:40
"Now if a man loses the hair of his head, he is bald; he is clean."

Our beloved Ex-Choir Director is clean! Congrats Mr. H (aka: Baldman)! :)

Missing Home... or Leaving Home?

This weekend I had the pleasure of going to Ogallala and visiting my Grandparents and many of my friends! I guess I didn't realize how much I missed all of my friends and family in Ogallala until this weekend. And then I started thinking to myself (and partially out loud...). Was I visiting home, or was I leaving my home to go visit a strangely familiar place. I was only in Ogallala for 18 months, but it still felt like home. Maybe it was the welcoming comunity, my amazing friends, or the fact that I adjusted so easily, but whatever it was, it made Ogallala seem like home. Ogallala was the perfect place for me. I knew when I walked into that Middle School the my first day (the first day of second semester) that I was going to fit in with the people here. And I did, I have 6 amazing friends from Ogallala that accepted me into their litte group shortly after I moved in. We are all so different, but we are also similar and get along amazingly. I cried and cried and cried when I found out that we would be moving back here. I was a little excited to get out of Syracuse when we moved out to Ogallala. I don't fit in, I have friends here, but they don't even compare to my friends in Ogallala.

But as I am faced with some of theses challenges, I am reminded of how extremely blessed my family is. Dad got his job in Omaha back with in 2 weeks of getting "laid of", that is truely amazing. With the economy the way it is, most people in this situation are still looking for a job. We have a place to live, we grumbled and complained while we were in Ogallala about how we wished this house would sell, so we could finish our new house there, but it never sold, and that was truely amazing.

One thing I have learned through switching schools and moving is that the friends that really care about you will do their best to keep in contact even after you move away. All six of my best friends in Ogallala have done so, and I hope they keep it up. :) And as much as I grumble about having to go to the orthodontist every 2 months, it gives me a reason to go to Ogallala and see my friends and family. :)

Girls of Grace

At my church there is a class called Girls of Grace. Girls start this class in 1st grade and graduate in 6th grade. I graduated from Girls of Grace quite awhile ago. In Girls of Grace (GOG) young girls learn how to grow up to be a godly woman, who's desire is to serve God, her children, her husband, and her friends. These girls learn how to cook, clean, sew, knit, crochet, sing prasie, devote time to the Lord, and most importantly, how to become Godly women who serve the Lord. In the GOG classroom, there are 2 or 3 adult teachers, who are usually Moms of some of the girls in the class, and a junior leader, who is a high school aged girl. This high school girl is selected by the overall leaders of GOG. Much to my pleasure, I was selected as a Junior leader. This has been a dream of mine since I was in the first grade. It is such an honor to be chosen because of the high requirements to be selected. This girl has to be involved in church, a christian, kind to everyone, caring, and like a big sister to all of the girls in the Girls of Grace class. I about cried when I was asked to do this. It was such an honor that all of these well-respected, christain women in my church thought that I was good enough to be a junior leader.

One of the duties of a Junior leader is to come up with creative activites and crafts for the girls to do. This is something I am going to struggle with, all of the other Junior leaders are crafty and creative, they spent their childhood doing crafts and creative things. I grew up on a farm, the only bit of creative I expirienced was asking Daddy to make shapes out of the pile hay bails, or seeing how many people could stand on the hayloft floor before it fell through, or arranging a handful of prairie flowers without getting stung by a bee. (That's a different story...) So I am putting every once of creative craftiness into trying to come up with ideas for these girls. It is really hard, but at the same time it is my responsibility, so it will get done, and it will be done with all smiles by this girl! :)

Please pray for perserverence and guidence through this whole process! It is a big step for me, but I am willing to accept this challenge.

Baby Rudy...?

Recently, I was asked what the eariliest memory of my little brother, Rudy, is. First of all, he isn't so little anymore, he is actually taller than me now, which would go along with some people's (cough... Celie, Micah, Byron, Elijah, Sydni, Evan...cough) theory that I am shrinking. (It's not true, everyone is just getting taller.) Anyway, back on planet Earth...There are two first memories of Rudy, and I am not sure which one came first.

Memory 1:
Rudy was a baby, and I was about 2 years old. We were at my Grandma Dreessen's house in Elkhorn. After a couple of hours of terrorizing my family, my Grandma decided to take me up to see baby Rudy, hoping that it would calm me down. She took me upstairs to the blue bedroom with the baby crib in it. Rudy was sleeping calmly in the crib. Grandma picked me up and held me so that I could see the baby, in my hand was a "sippy cup". Grandma had just told me not to wake the baby, but I decided to take matters into my own hands. I threw the sippy cup into the crib, and much to my Grandma's displeasure, it landed right on Baby Rudy's head. He. of course, woke up and started scream crying. I don't even remember if I got in trouble for that or not, but Mom always jokes that I started all of the fighting between myself and my not-so little brother.

Memory 2:
This was when Dad was working as a normal firefighter, working normal firefighter 24 hour shifts. Dad was on duty, and Mom had just gotten home from a long day on the OR floor of the Hospital she worked at. Baby Ru and I were at day care all day. Mom came into the house, got Rudy out of his carrier, and plopped down on the couch with him in her arms. Feeling a little ignored, I grabbed Baby Rudy's carseat carrier thing and dragged it all the way across our dining room and into our family room where Mom was sitting with Rudy. I dropped the carrier at her feet and proceeded to shout "Put baby in! Put baby in!" Mom laughed and then told me to come and sit with them as well.

I don't quite know why I remember these two memories so well, but they just stick out in my mind. I love my not-so little brother.... no matter how many times I threw bottles, sippy cups, pacifiers, etc. at his head.

Wild Weather

It came on so fast. We didn't really know what was happening. "Annastazia! Grab the kids and run to the shelter now!" "What about you?" "I'll be fine! Get the kids now and run to the shelter! Hurry! It's coming!" I did as I was told.

It was a calm day, July 5th. It was our second day of camping at Gavins Point Dam in Yankton, SD. We were camping along with another family that are close friends of ours. They have three kids: Payton is the same age as me, Noah is the same age as Rudy, and Ripley is the same age as Izzy. We had our campsite set up very neatly. There was one camper and three tents. The adults slept in the camper and the kids slept in the tents.

We had spent most of the day at the swimming beach, so when we got back to the campsite, we all took showers and changed out of our wet, sandy swimsuits. Daddy and Paul were starting the campfire and Mom and Tara were cutting up meat and veggetables for the stew. All of us kids were in the camper playing card games, we came out of the camper when we heard the Mom's calling us. It had started to sprinkle a little, and they wanted us to get the tents closed up in case it rained harder. We closed up the tents and then helped prepare super.

All of a sudden, it started to rain harder, and we all ducked under the camper awning. The Dad's were a little upset, because all of the fire wood was getting wet, the Mom's were upset because super would take longer to cook, and all of us kids just wanted out of that tiny, cramped space. Then, the power went out, we heard the air conditioner in the camper shut off. Daddy and Paul got into the truck to go down to the ranger's station to see how long the power would be out. While they were gone, the wind picked up tremendously. One of the over-hang tents started to blow away, and trash, leaves, and anything light was tossed around in the wind. As the wind picked up even more, one of the tents was about to blow into the fire. The Mom's rushed out and caught it. Just then, Tara looked up at the sky, my Mom looked up as well, and they both started yelling. My mom came to me and told me to take the kids to the shelter. I obeyed. We were all running down the windy road. I looked up at the sky, and all I saw was a huge wall of water about to hit all of us, the wind was so strong that it was carrying the rain water in sheets. As we ran up the road, Rudy was shouting at various other campers to get to the shelters. They all looked at him like he was crazy. When we finally got to the shelter, Paul was there, but Daddy had gone back to the camper. We waited out the storm in the shelter. Thankfully, there was no severe weather and no severe damage. Looking back, I realize just how scared I was when I was being shouted at to get the kids to the shelter. Everything turned out okay, but it still scares me to think about that.